It’s Christmas today. The lamb roast is in the oven and in an hour the house will be loud. Right now, it’s just my son and I chilling on the couch by a big window that is projecting lit ski slopes under a foot of fresh powder that welcomed us this morning. Blue and purple christmas tree framing the side of the view. The Killers filling the room. We just finished a board game and are quiet now. I’ve opened a beer. In my mind still stuck on earlier today and skiing down the hill midst piles of snow, not something we are used to experiencing in Blue Mountain... slight reminder of the fresh powder wonderland in Whistler few years ago.
Beer is slowing down the noise and I’m starting to reflect on the last couple years. I feel I have been free-falling since I had taken up my exec MBA while continuing to work and take care of my kids. What I learned has transformed my views and how I react to the world. This made me feel more capable and confident, which made me aim ‘higherer’, which then created more work, but also created new experiences for me and allowed me to keep learning and transforming... you get the point... free-falling. Today I feel I have arrived. I can stay here and let go of the rush. I can reflect and write.
Pausing to think what you would ask me after you read this blurb, I am guessing you would want to know how I have been transformed... rather than one big thing, the transformation has been a series of small steps. I am still myself and thanks to my short-term memory I only have fragments of what my old-self feared or struggled with. I am certain though that I have been transformed because of the pain I’ve felt while going through it. For a few months as I was shedding unhealthy relationships, toxic habits and the feeling of guilt over everything, I was depressed, I lost a lot of hair and my health deteriorated. I never thought of giving up as my gut told me I was on one of the most important travels in my life. But, unlike other journeys that destiny threw me into, this one was deliberate.
Now that I have arrived I can only talk about my present self. I feel, that the following three learnings (yes, one of my MBA lessons was that human brain loves structuring everything in threes) have been the most critical:
First, I prioritize quality over quantity and this means choosing deep meaningful relationships and spending my time doing what I love. As my choices may create the feeling of rejection in some people the old feeling of guilt does creep up once in a while but I now recognize it and fight it, acknowledging that truth and honesty sometimes hurt but are the right path to take. On the other hand, the relationships we value require work and a lot of listening..: which requires time... but since I am spending time doing what I love with people I love, it’s all good... closed loop.
Second, I take accountability... on a micro scale this means saying ‘I got it’, then making decisions and finding the way... on a macro scale everything I do depends on people I do it with. I try to create environments where authentic people can reach their full potential. I try to attract best people to work with. This is a challenging work that I have embraced because I love doing it. And, along the way, I hope I am helping others do what they love.
Third, I try not to worry about things that I have no control over and inversely, I take a chance on things I do care about (or, as my son puts it, ‘screw it, I’ll just go for it and whatever happens happens’)... truthfully, this one does not come naturally to me... we women are wired to worry about consequences and over-analyze... I keep telling myself to drop thoughts that paralyze me. And I tell myself how proud I am when I succeed in it.
Time to check on the lamb and set the table... it is great to cook again for the dearest people in my life. Recently, my first attempt to roast lamb was not the best, but this one smells much more promising. I mentioned that I prioritize things I love to do. Well, I am happy that I dedicated couple hours to writing today. Because, every time I write, I learn something... And maybe that is what it is all about... doing what we love, improving in it and learning through it...
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